Discriminating compassion. How discernment is necessary for true altruism.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about compassion. What is it? How is it useful? When should we  act and how should we act appropriately?

Compassion in Buddhism is a central principle that embodies the wish for all beings to be free from suffering. It is an active and discerning quality, grounded in wisdom and an understanding of the causes of suffering. True compassion is not mere sentimentality but a deep commitment to alleviating suffering while remaining aware of the karmic and psychological factors at play. It is often paired with wisdom to ensure that one’s actions genuinely benefit others rather than inadvertently causing harm.

In contrast, “idiot compassion,” a term popularised by Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche, refers to a misguided form of kindness that lacks discernment. It arises when one prioritises being nice to avoid discomfort over truly helping others.  Idiot compassion is when we may act in a way that may seem to be compassionate, but it doesn’t really help the other person or ourselves.

For example, constantly indulging a loved one’s destructive habits out of sympathy, rather than encouraging them to change, is an example of idiot compassion. This type of compassion can enable harmful behaviours, reinforce delusions, or prevent necessary suffering that leads to growth.

When we can see clearly what is going on for the other person, we may recognise that we are playing a particular role that actually prevents the other person from growing. Because we feel compassion for the other person, we may wish to help them but that very act of helping may reinforce the other person’s unhelpful or toxic behaviour. When we do this we are treating the other person as helpless and hopeless, rather than creating conditions where that person may be able to recognise how their thoughts and behaviours keep them from growing and maturing. Sometimes the most compassionate thing we can do is to put strong boundaries into place that the other person may not like, but is exactly what is needed to encourage them to change in ways that they have never sought before. They may seek appropriate professional help rather than just acting out of old behaviours that serve no purpose and keeps them stuck in mindsets and thought patterns that prevent their own emotional, psychological and spiritual maturity.

So we can see that genuine compassion embraces being both kind and wise. It is not simply about pleasing others but about fostering true well-being, even when that requires difficult choices.