Buddhism: attraction and aversion in relationships

According to Buddhism, we can we blindsided by our perceptions in how we relate with the world generally, and in our relationships, specifically. Our perceptions about ourselves, our expectations and our assumptions are projected onto the external world, which we must then relate to. One of the reasons that we practice meditation is to be able to see through these projections, and to relate to the world with genuineness. To know our own minds clearly; rather than distorting the external world to fit into our own view of how things are.

In Buddhism, our projections towards others tends to take the form of attraction or aversion which can then bring up the corresponding emotions of passion or aggression. We like certain things and dislike others, and we are constantly shifting with this. It is possible that we can have the strong reactions of both aggression and aversion towards the same person at different times in the same day. These emotional reactions reflect what is happening in our own minds.

We tend to create a story or a scenario around these shifts in our attraction or aversion which then influences how we feel about the other, about ourselves, and how we communicate and behave within the relationship. From a Buddhist perspective it is these attachments that we have towards the external world that are a cause of our suffering. It follows that any relationship will be fraught unless we are able to develop the appropriate view and ways of dealing with phenomena; both external and internal, as it arises.

Compassion can arise when we are able to see this play of the mind. We can see reality for what it is; to see that in effect we create our own world and then relate to it. Trungpa points out that when we can loosen our solid and fixed view of ourselves, others and the world then we can begin to realise compassion. He says- "Compassion sees the nature of the samsaric game that is being played… "Trungpa 2011 p 132